In the last few episodes we’ve had a missing screwdriver, a potentially non-existent chicken on the loose, and now there’s apparently a mobile phone floating around in the prison. Figueroa tells Caputo to sort it out – she’s been hearing things about an inmate at the Litch appearing on prisonpoon.com (exactly what it sounds like). She tell Caputo that if he can get to the bottom of it, there might be a pay rise in it for him – ‘it is so depressing working with a man who works below 40K.’
Healy is generally despairing at life and this whole mobile phone issue is the last thing he needs. On top of that he has Taystee bombarding him about the TV remote – ‘I can’t watch anymore Toddlers & Tiaras...I can’t support the sexualisation of baby girls!’ He puts her in charge of the remote to get her out of his hair and tries to create some order by reinstating the Women’s Advisory Council (WAC) where inmates are elected to represent their fellow prisoners.
We later learn that WAC upholds the racial divides in the prison: Nicky explains to Chapman that you only vote within your own race (‘white, black, hispanic, golden girls and other) – ‘pretend it’s the 1950s, it makes it easier.’
Pennsatucky (AKA crazy religious girl) is hoping to get elected as the ‘white representative.’ Naturally, Taystee has put herself in the running for ‘black representative’ and things get pretty heated between the two as Taystee makes her campaign speech based largely around chicken (not this again) – ‘I’m black, she’s black and we like fried chicken!’ Casual racist Pennsatucky pipes up saying they should have a whites only bathroom, to which Taystee responds: ‘this ain’t the fucking Help bitch!’
Elsewhere, there’s a lot of mother/daughter issues going on:
Another tiresome visit from Chapman’s mum makes her kind of wish she’d just stop coming. She’s banging on about how awful Chapman’s hair looks and how her being in prison is putting the brakes on her bearing any grandchildren anytime soon. Chapman says she is ‘trying to climb Everest in flip flops,’ and tries to explain that her being in prison is no ones fault but her own. This is clearly lost on her mother, who tells her that ‘you’re nothing like any of these women,’ adding ‘you were a debutant!’
Chapman complains to Nicky about her mum’s visit, and Nicky fails to sympathise – she hasn’t had a visit in months. Cue Nicky flashback – she’s lying in a hospital bed, looking pretty rough after contracting a bacterial infection caused by using dirty needles. Her mum is at her bedside, but she spends the entire time judging Nicky and isn’t particularly sympathetic. Nicky tells her ‘I always miss you until you’re here…I want you to do things mothers do.’ At which point her mum leaves. It’s a sad moment as we see that Nicky’s mum is pretty self involved which (although not entirely to blame) has clearly played some part in why Nicky is the way she is.
Further flashbacks reveal how Red became a mother figure to Nicky, who looked after and helped her with her detox in prison. As a result, Nicky is disappointed when Red chooses Morello as her WAC nominee, instead of her.
The previous episode showed Mum Diaz trying to seduce Bennett in the utility closet. Bennett has obviously shared this bit of info with Diaz, who promptly slaps her mum round the face, calling her a slut. Like Nicky and her mother, Diaz’s relationship with her mother is particularly sad and messed up. Mum Diaz was clearly never much of a mother to her, and you can tell that Diaz is conflicted – she wants to hate her but she also really does want that mother/daughter relationship which she never had. Though this whole trying to seduce each other’s boyfriends things is probably going to cause quite a spanner in the works with having any sort of healthy relationship.
On the plus side, it turns out that Bennett and Mum Diaz didn’t sleep together. They later get some utility closet alone-time – Bennett tells her, ‘I don’t want your mum; I want you.’ Bennett is reluctant when Diaz tries to take off his trousers but she does it anyway, revealing that he has a prosthetic leg (presumably an injury from the war).
So, back to the mobile phone issue: Caputo questions the staff members. He’s told to question Mendez on that basis that ‘he looks guilty. Probably the moustache.’ As a man with a moustache, Caputo looks less than impressed as she goes on to associate moustaches with paedophilia.
He also grills Bennett, informing him that in prison, inappropriate relationships between inmates and staff ‘can mean a smile at the wrong time.’ Caputo is also searching the prison worker’s bags, which Mendez clocks onto and stashes his drugs in his car boot – he’s such a stand-up guy.
As is often the case, Chapman inadvertently gets herself involved in the mobile phone hunt, as she discovers it behind a tile in the one working toilet cubicle. She realises that the crazy inmate who talks to ‘Diablo’ in the toilet, isn’t in fact crazy and is talking to her boyfriend Diablo as well as sending him naughty pics. She keeps this info to herself for the time being, and puts the phone back behind the tile.
Chapman also manages to smooth things over with Polly after messing up the conference call with Barney’s because of a phantom chicken. She apologises while Polly is in the stirrups waiting to be examined at an antenatal appointment. Apology accepted, Polly has to dash – ‘now I’ve gotta get probed – have a nice rest of day in prison.’
So Chapman’s solved two problems and instantly gains another: despite not being in the running for the WAC white rep, Healy thinks she’s the best person for the job so overrules the vote and announces Chapman as the WAC rep. Morello is upset and Pennsatucky is angry, in a crazy religious kind of way. I get the feeling we might not hear the end of this for a while.